Fearing the Inescapable- Anger From Others

The biggest fear I’ve had to face…?

Angering others.

Anger is omnipresent. It’s unavoidable, inescapable; yet I still tried to escape it. I tried with all my might with the hope that I could flee from its death throes.  I’m the kind of person to want everyone to like me. It doesn’t matter who the person is, I don’t even have to like the person, I’m driven by an unseen force to make them find me likable. All of this is well and dandy- it helps me maintain friendships and stay nice to everyone I meet- but as soon as someone doesn’t like me, my self-esteem takes a huge hit.

The way I lived was terrible. I lived for others, not for me. Everything I said was what I thought others would want to hear; everything I did was to please another person. I felt like everyone’s puppet, being led around by silvery strings. The irony was that I was the one holding the strings. I was in complete power of myself, yet I let others lead me around. That’s madness.

It’s madness because I CANNOT always tell what other people want. Trying to please others is a gamble that’s usually a losing one. I do, however, always know what I want. For that reason, it should be my top priority to say and do what pleases me, and not what I think others will like. I’ll never feel happy if I’m always giving my happiness away for others to enjoy.

The struggle came when I forced myself to change my ways. In order for me to be happy, I had to step on some toes. At first, it was heart-wrenching to know that I offended someone. The thought killed me from the inside-out and usually left me apologizing profusely and making excuses. As time went along, I found the happiness idea more and more appealing, therefore I became much less sensitive to the disapproving glances when someone else didn’t get their way.

Starting to actually do things for myself, I realized all the anger I had pent up just because I didn’t want to make others feel that way toward me. The frustration of many years of dissatisfaction slowly seeped from me. I felt cleansed as it left. I began to see the balance in keeping others happy as well as keeping myself happy. It’s known as compromise.

I now strive to never let my opinion go unsaid. Communication is vital in all connections with people to stay healthy. I know that if I didn’t say anything about how I feel, the anger would slowly build inside of me. Anger roaming the body sure isn’t healthy. I also know that healthy relationships don’t involve constant arguing and demanding what I want. I give and I take, and so life continues.

Facing this fear caused me much trepidation. I know now that I overreacted with making people mad in the first place. They usually only stay mad for a few minutes and eventually forget what took place. I would much rather that than live with my own anger pooling in my veins all the time.

AMK

This post is one in part with Finish the Sentence Friday! Host Finding Ninee always has more in store! The bloggers in our little group are very interesting and always worth the time to read!

4 thoughts on “Fearing the Inescapable- Anger From Others”

  2. I totally understand. Most of my life, I feared being angry. I have an inner beast who has anger management issues, and it scares me quite a bit. But on the flip side, I also fear making others angry. My mother often throws in conversations, “that’s you being a people pleaser. You’ve always been that way.” I didn’t see it. I don’t want to see it. But I guess I am that way. The problem is that a lot of people are jerks. They get offended over the dumbest stuff, and then they will hold grudges over it. Blogging has introduced me to way too many people like that. I’ve been ostracized from many groups simply for having an opinion with a foundation of helping people, not hurting them. I realize that despite my good intentions, people are going to look for the weakest person in the group to attack verbally in an attempt for a social alpha male status. And constantly being worried about offending them is what made me a target because I appear weak enough to win in a verbal battle. I actually learned this with my career. In jobs that mattered to me where I could proudly boast my position and pay check, I was a people pleaser, and I lost all those jobs to office politics. But the jobs I was embarrassed to admit I had, especially serving at 2 bucks an hour plus tips, I was the opposite. I was like, “This is a dime a dozen job. I can lose it and find a new one tomorrow,” and so I was rude to other servers who were rude. I was late a lot on purpose. I just did my thing. And I never lost a server job. I always left them when I found better jobs. That’s when it hit me how people are, but I naturally forget it all the time. I still catch myself people pleasing in the name of peace, but you are right. It’s a compromise and balance. I’m still trying to find it, but thank you for reminding me.

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    • I think that such complicated things as anger, when to please others, and when to satisfy yourself are just guess and check. You have no idea how each situation will turn out. Now that you have more knowledge and experience, you can better predict… But things still may turn out to be different than anything you’ve ever experienced. Always be sure to stand up for yourself, and never agree to do something unnecessary that you’ll dread. That’s what I’ve learned so far. Keep trudging through life and I’m sure you’ll find the balance! Thanks for stopping by and sharing 🙂

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