Reminiscence of a Former Beauty Queen

I was a beauty queen once. I was once ten years old. Like any ten-year-old, I had an inflated ego. But my ego wasn’t just inflated, it was the size of Jupiter. I thought I was better than any of the girls at my school because I competed in pageants. Pageants are a great way to open up to people and show the world who you are, but I originally did not see pageants that way. I saw pageants as a way to gauge my self-worth, which ended in pretty nasty results.

This was terrible because pageants ceased to be exciting for me very quickly. I only competed to prove to myself that I was an awesome human being. I regret that I spent so much time doing things that weren’t even fun to me. I could have been hanging out with friends, going to the mall, reading books, or even playing my Nintendo DS. But I couldn’t do that because I had to prove my own self-worth to myself through something that is so unpredictable. Pageants are fun when you do them for the right reasons, but when you don’t, they become excruciatingly daunting.

One reason that pageants were terrible to me was because I determined how good I was as a person on whether or not I won or lost. These judges got to know me for about five minutes OR LESS, yet I thought their judgement was still better than mine of how good of a person I was. Whenever I lost pageants, I would cry out lamentations as soon as I left the stage. My mom thought I was just acting spoiled because I wanted the pretty tiara. That was not the case in any way, shape, or form. I was truly crying because I felt like I was a terrible, undeserving person lower than the lowest being on Earth.

My misperception on what pageants were really messed with my self-confidence. I reacted horrendously if I lost a pageant, but there was no way that I could be any worse than when I won the pretty tiara. Winning fed my ego so immensely. On the contrary of losing, I felt like no one could touch my after I won a pageant. The world was mine. I constantly bragged about winning months after it happened because it showed that I had a place in the world and a high one at that.

Looking back on it, pageants messed me up in a terrible way when I was younger. My sense of self-worth is now based on the qualities I have and the accomplishments I’ve made, so I think I’ve come a long way. I think pageants are a good thing, even if they caused me some damage. Obviously, anything that can make a child feel a sense of achievement has the power to pervert their developing ego. For example, the star football player of a 6th-grade team may think he’s the best person alive because he can tackle. I want a chance to experience a large-scale pageant like the ones I did in the past for what it’s supposed to be about in actuality- dressing up, doing hair and makeup, and having a good time.

AMK

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