My kryptonite is my enthusiasm. It’s usually a good thing to charge into life head on, but I end up getting too attached to something I can’t control. I also end up fizzling out because I push myself too hard, and make my love into my worst enemy. I consider my enthusiasm to be my kryptonite because in the same way that it weakens Superman, a seemingly unstoppable man;it weakens me even when I’m at my strongest.
Whenever I try something new, and I enjoy it, I usually become hooked. I think about nothing else but my new hobby. I ponder what I can do next and how I can get better. It makes me excited because it’s all I want to do. But, when I start getting used to the hobby, and it becomes habit, I lose interest in it. I’m very unforgiving with myself. I don’t want myself to not be interested in my hobby anymore, so I punish myself whenever I decide that I’m not in the mood to do something. Eventually, after an extended amount of time of self torture, even thinking about the activity makes me feel completely repulsed.
For example, when I first started seriously crafting, I went into it full force. I attended flea markets every week so I could get beautiful rustic craft supplies, I made really pretty stuff, and I wanted to start selling it. After school started, I crafted less and less. I punished myself for not doing it instead of accepting the fact that I was too busy from the demands of high school. What started out for enthusiasm for crafting turned into a nagging voice inside my head that pierced me like a dagger. I stopped crafting all-together, and I have no plans to start again because of the damage I’ve already done.
When I was a child, doing hobbies came naturally. I drew lots of pictures, I especially loved designing dresses. I liked doing small crafts that occupied my hands and my mind. I also read books for hours on end. Seeing what other kids did made me want to stop doing what I loved. I quit drawing because there were better artists than me in sixth grade. I quit crafting because my friends started going on Facebook, and that was too time consuming to even consider doing projects like mine. Worst of all, I quit reading because it was “uncool” to do so.
I truly regret quitting all of the things I love to do. I think that’s why I punish myself the way I do, I want to stop myself from going astray. It may be benevolent, but it still makes me weak. Kryptonite itself could have been an invention made to do good. Yet, it hurts all the inhabitants of planet Krypton and the impenetrable Superman himself. I need to quit the self-punishment, because Superman wouldn’t purposely expose himself to his own weakness.
When I fell in love with my boyfriend, I gave every waking minute to tend to our growing relationship. It’s been a year now. I’ve already accepted that I can’t give him the same amount of time that I used to, and it’d be unhealthy to. This shows me it’s possible for me to move past obsession. I should treat hobbies like my love, knowing that interest waxes and wanes depending on the day. I should treat myself to engaging in my hobbies whenever I please, but when I just want to watch a Lifetime movie, I should welcome myself to do that, too.
This post is apart of Finish the Sentence Friday! To read other posts, go to www.findingninee.com where you can find the rest of the links.
In addition, what are your past or current hobbies? Feel free to comment below. 🙂