So many people drift through life dejected, lacking a purpose. These people feel like nothing more than ghosts: formless, transparent, and hollow. There are also those who think a valid purpose in life is to gain power, or money. They often abandon morals and dignity, becoming a shell of what they once were. Those without good purpose are also without a path, meaning it’s so easy for them to drift from the trail of a full life and find themselves lost in a forest rooted in uncertainty, leaves echoing malignant thoughts.
Though we, my family and I, have been guiding my sister along the lighted path, she lost her way again. She finds no purpose in life and feels choked when the darkness of uncertainty sets in. She wants out. My sister said she didn’t care if she lived or died. She wrote a poem claiming death was sacred. Though her suicidal words always sting me when I hear them, the small relief that flows through me comes from her always knowing when something is wrong. She always asks for help.
I can’t help her in the way she needs. I try to show her all the simple pleasures in life- sunshine, a cool breeze, mindfulness, the warm feeling of a cat nuzzled on her lap, and most importantly, the wondrous feeling that comes from having a life. The only thing she seems focused on is her own self-destruction, and while the small indulgences I point out mean everything to me, they mean nothing to her.
This time, as I beheld a group of EMS workers strap my sister into an ambulance stretcher, something told me I couldn’t help her. The help she is asking for she can only receive from herself. Purpose, the reason to live, can’t be given to her by someone else. She must discover her purpose on her own. Hopefully, during her time being admitted, she can find something, one small thing, that will make her want to hold onto her life with the intensity that I do.
I know from the multitude of children in the behavioral clinics that my sister goes to that she isn’t the fourteen year old girl to be lost. To many adults I’ve encountered, the struggle to find purpose in life seems absurd to even try to tackle at a young age. Though it may be, it’s a worthy task to tackle. Some people get lost at fourteen, some people don’t find themselves in the wrong place until their late fifties, such as our mom. She’s working a job she hates with overtime every week just to make sure we’re happy. We are her current purpose, but she’s slowly crumbling away because it’s a matter of time before we’re on our own.
Despite everything seeming to fall apart around me, I will focus on my life purpose. I will use these experiences to learn, because I believe that my purpose in life is to become the best person I can in the years I have. I must move forward every day, even when life gets hard. I also can’t grow weak because my sister needs me now more than ever.
Experiences of your own encounters with depression or other such evils are more than welcome. Feel free to leave a comment below.