I Wish I’d Known that Childhood Shouldn’t be Stressful

Too many hours were spent in tears, and this was before I was supposed to know pain. Too many hours were spent in distress, during the time where I should have been only playing and laughing. Because I never felt right at such a young age, the uncertainty followed me, and I was cursed with self-doubt for years to come.

I wish I’d known that I wasn’t fat. I was bigger than the other girls in my grade. I was about four feet ten and one hundred and fifty pounds when I was nine. When I look back at old pictures of me, I didn’t even look that bad. I had a moderate case of the childhood chubbies in only my worst photos. I couldn’t comprehend that I was a healthy weight for my size. I’m now about ten to fifteen pounds lighter than the weight I mentioned above, and I’m really proud of myself for losing, but I finally see that I was fine before and I should have been proud from the beginning.

I wish I’d known that I’d get a boyfriend. All of my friends had boyfriends, usually a new one every day. None of the boys liked me in my school (probably because I was bigger than them, too). These two circumstance put together made me cry myself to sleep at night with the fear that I would die alone. In seventh grade, when I started having access to social media, I started “dating” any boy that looked cute on Instagram. I gave up on boys when I became a freshman, and coincidentally, I found my boyfriend right around the same time. If I hadn’t been so worried about boys when I was younger, I could have focused on more important things, like dancing. And reading. The right one came along, just like mom always said.

I wish I’d known that school wasn’t a big deal. I had test anxiety starting in sixth grade. Every single paper I wrote on had to be perfect. If I didn’t get an A, I immediately became worried that colleges wouldn’t accept me. That’s right, I was worried about COLLEGE at eleven years old. Now I’m in high school, and I’m exhausted and burnt-out already because school stopped being fun way before it was supposed to. I don’t worry much about my grades now, and I’m still a student with a 4.o GPA. For that reason, I wish I wouldn’t have made school drool back when all I had to do was color pictures and make powerpoints.

I had my childhood ripped from me. The world is expecting everyone to grow up with such haste that kids feel like they can’t be kids. I started to feel insecure at seven years old because of my premature exposure to the world of teenagers on YouTubeThis was back in 2007 when the internet wasn’t as widely used as now. That means that kids are probably being exposed to a lot more now than I was. The best thing someone can do to protect their child from the insecurity I’ve struggled with is not sheltering. Rather, it’s imbuing the child with a high sense of self-worth so they feel happy with who they are. 

AMK

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17 thoughts on “I Wish I’d Known that Childhood Shouldn’t be Stressful

  1. The Stylish Starlet says:

    Great post! I sometimes feel the same as you with like getting a boyfriend and school being a big deal but your words put me at ease. Thankyou!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think everyone stresses about school and love at some point in life. People think it’s weak to confess to these worries, but after letting it out, it’s easier to put life into perspective. Thanks for reading again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This blog really hit home. I truly know how you felt. It took me a long time to realize that being different wasn’t something to be shameful of, it meant that I was special. I went years simply trying to follow the crowd without ever learning to be myself. I had to dig deep and just learn to be the person I was meant to be. Thank you for sharing your story, it feels good to know I wasn’t alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great message to us moms of youngins! You are so correct about the world rushing the kids along. It’s ridiculous to me that in 8th grade you really need to be thinking about getting in college etc. I don’t want to go off on a tangent about that. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks! It’s nice that people are able to learn from each other no matter what the age difference is. I was always afraid when I first started blogging that no adult would take me seriously, but you proved me wrong! I appreciate your read.

      Like

  4. Oh how this saddens me so… I too, wish you knew. I too, wish SO many other kids were aware of such truths, because SO many kids struggle like you did. And you’re right- now it’s even worse out there.

    As a mom of an almost 13 year old, I passionately guide her so she ‘knows’. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My son is six and has some insecurities already. I try really hard to help him know his self worth is based on his actions. Hopefully he won’t worry about college in 7th grade. I’m glad you’re doing so well. Happy and confident!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Based on the posts I’ve read about your son, he’s a very unique and fun boy! It’s sad that he’s insecure but hopefully he’ll still know to have fun. Thanks for checking my post out! 🙂

      Like

  6. It is always sad when children and teens go through struggles like this…and if only we could convince them that it really does get better and eventually it fades away. But I suppose it doesn’t always for everyone, either. But those years should definitely not be filled with such stress and angst. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great sharing post!
    All we can do is stop the cycle… if we find out and resolve our hang-ups in time! I still carry ‘scars’ from my childhood which try to ‘haunt’ me occasionally. Guess that is why I chose John’s sermonette and made a rejection series.
    Encourage each other.

    Liked by 1 person

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