The Rowboat in Solitude

Solitude is such a beautiful thing. It calms me. I go from being a jet miles above ground, speeding through life like a bullet; to being a rowboat floating on gentle waters, soothed and grounded. When I am alone, I feel energized and powerful. I’m not distracted by the constant motion of the world. Being and introvert means I pay attention to anything and everything. Within the cozy confines of my room, I know every last detail already, and I have the ability to focus on other, more profound things.

I always have dialogue with myself. Never out loud. It’s a sustained natter that my brain happily engages itself in. At these times, as I’m nestled in my covers and feeling the wind from my ceiling fan on my face, I ponder all aspects of life. I wonder if there’s something more powerful than what I can grasp, or if man created that for power. I try to imagine exactly how small an atom is. I think about people, how across the world someone is working under the hot summer sun as I hunker under my blanket on a chilly winter night.

When I am alone, I truly feel free. I don’t feel the need to go to outer space just to think. Without feeling like someone is probing my thoughts, I reach a completely different level of consciousness. I feel focused and in-sync with myself; my mind and body are finally one and united in the same goal. I love the deep, steady breathing I maintain as pictures and words dance across my eyes, unbound. The soothing voice that I project in my head is mature and wise, yet headstrong. It’s me in my raw form.

Everyday, I like to give my mind time to set itself free. I do this to protect my own sanity. Being told all the time how to act, what to say, and how to think is something every teenager has to deal with. I sort my way through what I agree with and what I don’t, and this shapes me as a person. Everything makes sense in my own head, and in this crazy point in my life, I need some things to make sense.

When I am alone, I’m not lonely. I definitely have a unique relationship with myself. I love myself, but not in a bad way, rather the way that everyone should. I think it’s important that I know myself well enough to provide what keeps me happy. It just so happens that a couple of hours of me time every night happens to be just that. I have to live in this skin my whole life, and I’m glad I’m living as the person that I am- someone I can stand to be around completely alone.

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